


Innocence Lost

by angelkat



Series: [collection] Rival Argentica (2014-2018) [19]
Category: Angel Beats!
Genre: F/M, afterlife battlefront: reunion!, hinata's payback to naoi's clothespin shtick, real world AU, seriously the characters are children, slapstick comedy, yui's a brat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:27:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21802894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelkat/pseuds/angelkat
Summary: In which Yui and Hinata devise a plan to humiliate romantic couple Ayato and Hisako by deploying Miyuki Otonashi, Yuzuru and Kanade's five-year-old daughter./formerly called Guilty Innocence in FFN. reposted Dec 15, 2019. sparsely edited
Relationships: Hinata Hideki/Yui, Naoi Ayato/Hisako, Otonashi Yuzuru/Tachibana Kanade | Angel
Series: [collection] Rival Argentica (2014-2018) [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1570921
Kudos: 3





	1. Part I: Hinata/Yui

He had never done a morally evil crime once in his life— _never_. Hinata _swore_ over his baseball-obsessed head that, no matter what the world may say, no matter how much it may change if it was suddenly turned upside down, that he was _purely_ innocent.

He knew, deep, deep into the darkest and most unconventional recesses of his ever nefarious mind of unspeakable blackness, by the power of every pulsating beat his heart would rhythmically thump in harmony with the swaying tree branch, that he was entirely, unequivocally, passionately _innocent_.

It happened in slow motion. But as his focused, genius-mode face started to zoom forward, slashing through the air a thousand miles per hour with his blue hair whooshing by in hazy blurs, barrelling straight like a battering ram against his bowl of strawberry ice cream, he swore a vow to himself to bury that annoying little twat in the grave she dug for herself before his face even made contact with the freezing cold.

And then his face splashed against the pink, strawberry goo and everything turned black.

Er, pink.

"YOU BINGE EATING PIG!" Yui yelled from behind him, thrashing her electric guitar in the air like a madman. Then she pulled Hinata by the collar (he was still trying to recover from the shock of what just happened, and considering that he was just hit by a guitar from the back of his head, no one could blame his utter confusion) and she lambasted straight at him—

"THAT ICE CREAM YOU JUST _GOBBLED_ WAS SUPPOSED TO BE _MINE_!"

"Wha…wha?" Hinata gurgled, unsure of who that virtuous girl was of immaculate beauty. His blue eyes were unsteady and a little wobbly; he was in a woozy state of consciousness. He fluttered his eyes open, and the first thing that registered in his mind was a beautiful maiden, smiling graciously down at him with those bright, cherry eyes that glinted against the soft rays of the summer sun. Her glowing, pink bubblegum hair sparkled against the sunlight, gracing her young and immaculate features, and Hinata felt as if he wanted to caress his hand through her luscious pink mane.

The blue-haired boy's lips started to stretch into a heavenly smile. Whoever that girl is, she's so…cute. Not to mention pink. Very angelic. She was like…she was like…

 _Bam_.

"WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME LIKE THAT, YOU PERVERT?!"

Pain suddenly burst through his poor skull, finally waking him up from his trance. Yui had hit him again with her bloody guitar.

"Ow!" he said, and he staggered, painfully clutching the side of his swelling head. Through his grunts and moans of pain, he at least managed to seethe through a murderous scowl. _"_ What did you do that for, you annoying little brat?!"

She leaped at him and pinned him down, shouting as if to obliterate his eardrums.

No puns intended. None at all. 

" _WHY_ DID _YOU_ EAT _**ALL**_ OF THE ICE CREAM?!"

 _This_ was _all_ about _ice cream_? "JUST to remind you, we're in _Yurippe's_ mansion and YOU have NO RIGHT to claim ANY ice cream rights!" Hinata yelled back.

Yes, they were in the Nakamura mansion, which had been the choice of venue for three years now in a row, every time they'd set a reunion party. They rarely get to see each other nowadays, considering all of them had gone to pursue their different careers after high school graduation. Take Girls Dead Monster, for instance. Once a mere school band, they were now a global multi-award phenomenon; TK, likewise, was famous all over Japan as a pop star. Matsushita was now a judo master, Ooyama the manager of a chips company, and Yusa a famous women's rights advocate in her own right. Hell, even Naoi was just recently voted the new vice president of Japan, and has been working in the office in the recent year.

It was a good thing they still keep in contact by holding these kinds of reunion get-togethers no matter how high they've all reached in life—their circle of friends never faded away; Chaa already had twelve children with his wife, but even he never failed to attend a reunion party. Even Kanade and Otonashi had a five-year-old daughter, and Yuri couldn't wait for the birth of her first child this August. She told everyone that the identity of the father was to be kept a secret until the child was born, since the father was working in some halberd-making company someplace in America. [It was the worst-kept secret in the planet.] Life was beautiful when youth was enjoyed.

"Since WHEN did YOU own THEIR fridge?" Hinata continued yelling. "And the ice cream I just ate—FYI, Yurippe told me I could—"

" _SHUT!_ _UP!_ " Yui got more pissed, and she started to actually cry through her irrational screaming. Tears came rushing down her big, welling eyes, and she started to break into a tantrum as if she was a little girl. "YOU ATE ALL THE ICE CREAM!"

"I _told_ you, Yurippe told me I could—"

"YOU ATE ALL THE ICE CREAM!"

"Yuri told me I—"

"YOU ATE ALL THE ICE CREAM!"

Hinata's eyes bulged out of their respective sockets in annoyance.

" _It's on a first come, first served basis, alright?!"_

"LIKE I CARE!" She sliced her guitar across the air, wielding it as if it was a halberd. If Hinata didn't throw his head back in utter horrification just in time, his head might've been cut off right now.

"I JUST— _WANT_ —" She gestured wildly with her arms, throwing her body left and right like a little girl in a fit, hitting Hinata with her guitar over and over again.

"I—WANT— _MY_ —ICE—CREAM— _BAACK_!"

"That—hurts—enough—hitting—guitar—OW!"

As Yui was hitting Hinata continuously without signs of ever giving up, the tree branch that they were perched on continued to shake, and Hinata felt himself tighten his grip around a sub-branch to keep himself from falling off. But the continued imbalance of weight was shaking the tree branch, and Hinata, hearing the branch beginning to crack, had his eyes widen into saucers.

"Yui! Stop—stop moving or we'll—"

"BUT YOU—"

She was not over with her tantrum.

"— _FREAKING_ —"

Hinata could do nothing now to stop her.

"—ATE—"

Panicking, he crawled across the rickety tree branch over to her.

"—THEM _ALL!_ "

He pulled her wild arms towards him and wrapped himself around her to brace her for impact.

"GET YOUR FILTHY PAWS OFF OF— _AHHHHH!_ "

Yui's shriek pierced through the air, and they landed together onto the grass, where several more empty plastic bowls of strawberry ice cream were thrown about. Yui crashed against Hinata's chest before bouncing off, causing the plastic bowls flying through the air and scattering across the ground. Yui's landing was a bit softer than Hinata's, as the latter had hit his head hard against a sharp-edged rock.

"Arrgghhh…that…that hurt…" he groaned.

Yui was scratching her head and was just starting to recover when she noticed that Hinata was motionless onto the ground.

"OH, NO!" she exclaimed. She hurriedly ran over to him. "SENPAI, SENPA-A-I-I!" She started to shake his shoulders so wildly until Hinata felt like a maraca. "DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE IT'S NOT MY FAULT I DON'T WANNA GO TO JAIL _I'MTOOYOUNG_ I STILLWANNABEAMEMBEROFTHEGLDEMOSOIT'SALLYOURFAULTIFIGOTOJAILSODON'TYOUDARE _DIE_ —"

" _I'm not dead, you idiot!_ " Hinata pushed her off of him, and he stood up, looking down at the pink-haired girl who sat onto the grass. "Seriously, can't you find someone _else_ to annoy?"

She made an angry pout, clenching her fists. She looked up at him. "THERE _ISN'T_ SOME OTHER ANNOYABLE _**PIG**_ OUT THERE WHO ATE ALL THE ICE CREAM, IS THERE?!"

What the heck.

"What IS your problem, you guitar-smacking git?!"

But instead of the scream he expected to come out from her mouth, she, instead, went silent, staring down at the green blades of grass.

Then, silently at first, she started to cry all over again.

Hinata's hard features transformed into panic as he watched her break down. Well, this was unusual. She'd never cried over being called a brat or a git before (one would think she's already thoroughly immunized.) He didn't do anything, did he? Or worse…she wasn't hurt, was she? He was just about to ask when Yui's soft sniffles suddenly turned into wails.

"I _NEED_ SOME ICE CREAM!" There she goes with her tantrum. "I'M DEPRESSED AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF HISAKO!"

"What? What did that girl do?"

"I CAN'T BELIEVE HISAKO ACTUALLY _EMBARRASSED_ ME IN FRONT OF IWASAWA-SAN!"

Hinata cringed, and he put a hand to cover a dizzy ear. Why did the brat always have to speak as if in caps lock?

"You know, it'd really help if you lowered your volumes—"

"I-Iwasawa-san…I made a song for Iwasawa-san, but…Hisako… _embarrassed_ me…" Yui wiped off the tears from her cheek, but as she did so, only more tears sprang, so she just let it all out, crying into her own hands. "IWASAWA-SAN WILL NEVER SHAKE HANDS WITH ME EVER AGAIN AND I WILL N-N- _NEVER_ F-FORGIVE HISAKO—"

"Wait!" Hinata dove over and clamped a hand around her mouth. He thought he heard something, and he needed some quiet.

"WHAT ARE YOU—"

"Shhh! Keep your voice down, will you?"

Hinata strained to hear in the silence, trying to condition his abused eardrums to adopt to the sudden silence of the area. And that's when he heard it.

Footsteps. And Naoi's voice.

Hinata gently let go of Yui and crawled over to the bush, where he could silently spy on his target. Ah, finally. The main reason Hinata was perched atop the tree branch earlier, gulping some ice cream, was because he was waiting for this idiot to come and fall to his trap. As the baseball prodigy stealthily peeked over the bushes, he saw Naoi walking down the pavement in his usual clothes—clad in dark, navy blue overalls, which almost looked black, and a Mao general-class cap placed on top of his green, chin-length hair.

Hinata frowned. Yes, Naoi was just as usual. But something…something seems… _wrong_ here, somehow.

Well, yeah, _everything_ about Naoi was wrong—the annoying smirk, the annoying voice, the annoying face, the annoying glint in his eyes that Hinata had itched to barb with chopsticks for so long now. Hell, the mere fact that HE was Japan's actual Vice President was utterly wrong. But…something _else_ was wrong: Naoi Ayato was not alone.

He was with a _girl_.

A brown haired girl who looked so familiar to Hinata…only, he couldn't figure out who she was…

"Ah," Naoi was nodding, "and so I see you actually _liked_ the kiss you shared with _him_?"

"Ayato, stop it," the girl said. "He's just a fan."

"So? It doesn't mean he gets a free kiss from you all the time."

"It's just on the cheek, you moron."

"It's still a _kiss_ ," an irritated Naoi insisted.

"You know," the brown-haired girl laughed, "you're so _cute_ when you're jealous."

Naoi huffed, turning away to hide his blush. "You _wish_."

Hinata pulled back from the bushes, completely, utterly, _incredubly_ stunned.

Ayato Naoi, Japan's Vice President and Asia's National Figure of Ultimate Idiocy, was with a _girl_.

This was sick. Who is it this time? A new girl he picked up from the bar? This playboy's just too evil—gone through far too many girls to be trusted with anything at all. It's unbelievable how this snake could have possibly wormed his way up the office of presidency—more unbelievable still that _he_ was able to go out with _girls_.

Hinata lowered the binoculars he didn't notice he actually had. He narrowed his eyes in malice as he observed his mortal enemy with utter disgust from faraway. He'd just have to wait until Naoi walked into the proper place in the proper time before the trap Hinata had set up for him would work.

This was Hinata's plan. There was a small, nylon string across the pavement, and once Naoi steps and trips over it, a string of events would happen. Once the nylon was stepped on, the tree branch connected to it would fling backwards, stretching a rubber band from faraway, to hurl a balloon filled with crude oil through the air like a sling shot—and it would hit Naoi straight onto the face, where the oily goo would splatter. There, Hinata would be ready to catch it all on tape. He'd blackmail Naoi about spreading the video in YouTube, and from then on he'd be able to make Naoi kneel down before him and beg for mercy.

It was an elaborate scheme which Hinata had devised himself, and he was proud of it. It was, in fact, a _perfect_ plot for revenge.

Hinata was never really able to pay him back for what that idiot did with the clothespin thing.

And the tissue paper thing.

And, the latest, the toothpaste tube cap thing.

And _everything._

It made Hinata so angry he thought he might burst in living flames.

"Uh, who're you spying on, Hina-kins?" Yui asked, crawling over to him, tears wiped away by her curiosity of what was going on.

He put his binoculars back on, business mode. "Naoi." He spit the name out as if it was poison.

Yui still looked confused. She wasn't familiar with the name. "Eh?"

Hinata raised an eyebrow. "Duh, he's the newly elected Vice President of Japan."

"I don't know that."

"His name's Ayato 'Ha-I'm-A-Hypnotist-and-I-Have-A-Big-Head' Naoi. Familiar now?"

Recognition suddenly sparked in her eyes. "Wait!" She clutched Hinata by the collar. "Is it the same Naoi-sama, Hisako's boyfriend?!"

_What?_

_Boyfriend?_

"What did you say?!" he whisper-yelled, imitating the way Yui managed to do it. His mind was running their rusty gears now.

_Ahh so THAT'S who the girl was—Hisako, the famous lead guitarist of the band GlDeMo! That was why she looked so familiar—she's a GDM member! Why didn't I realize it earlier? Maybe it's because we never really talk…and her hairstyle changed drastically…_

_And to think that Naoi was dating_ _**her** _ _…_

Hinata was still skeptical. "Naoi has a _girlfriend_. Pfft. I don't believe it!"

"DUH, it says everything in the official GirlDeMo magazine about who's dating who!"

"Huh. So the girl over there is the famous Hisako?" Hinata put his binoculars back on to observe the brown-haired girl walking alongside Naoi. "That explains it!" He slapped his own knee in laughter. "So he isn't gay after all!"

Yui's pink eyes suddenly burned with anger at the mention of her newest archenemy. "What? Hisako's _there?_ Lemme see!" She grabbed the binoculars from him, rammed it into her eyes, and observed the couple as carefully as she ever could.

Her hands shivered while holding the binoculars. She was so angry she couldn't control it. That Hisako woman—that Hisako _embarrassed_ her in front of her idol, Iwasawa, and told the rest of the GlDeMo that the song she submitted was hilarious. Hisako absolutely had the most disgusting sense of guitar riff style in the world, ever. And they say _they're_ upperclassmen?

But before anything else, Yui turned to Hinata. She lowered the binoculars and looked at him. "So why were you spying on Naoi-sama again?"

At this, Hinata proudly puffed out his chest, Takamatsu style. He raised his head with arms smugly crossed, sparkling glitters shimmering in the air as large, red roses bloomed from behind him.

"I, the great Hinata Hideki," he bragged, "have formed an absolutely _perfect_ revenge plan to—"

"Uh, Hinata? Idiot? Where are you?" Naoi was suddenly calling out, and Hisako, who was beside him, giggled at her boyfriend's mockery. "I know you're out there," the vice president continued, "but do you mind if I step over your nylon string? I don't want some…sticky stuff in my face. I advice you make a better revenge plan. It's going to take me more than this to intimidate me." Then the two walked away, laughing at the pathetic string of nylon left untouched on the floor.

The blooming roses behind Hinata wilted brown. Even Yui seemed annoyed by Hisako's laughter that she suddenly busted herself out of the bushes, ready to smack the guitarist girl with a guitar.

"WHY, YOU LITTLE—"

Hinata came just in time to pull Yui back to their hiding place before Hisako could turn around. After seeing only the empty pavement, Hisako asked, "Who was that?"

Naoi looked over his shoulder, then shrugged at her when he saw nothing. "I have no idea."

"I'm pretty sure there was someone there," Hisako muttered, gently stroking her now slightly-damaged ears. "My ears suddenly hurt."

Back from under the bushes, Yui was trapped in a swastika lock with Hinata, her hand stretched onto her back, Hinata's foot stepping down at her head, and his arm was there and her foot was there that it was hard to keep track of the knot of limbs.

"Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-senpaaaii!"

"If you don't keep yourself quiet I'd kill you!"

"I just wanted to get revenge on Hisako, YOU IDIOT! NOW GET OFF OF ME!"

That made Hinata stop short.

_I just wanted to get revenge on Hisako._

Suddenly, he stopped strangling Yui, and in an instant he was up on his feet, deeply weighing his options as he thoughtfully caressed his chin with a finger. His eyes suddenly brightened. His heart thumped fast. Hinata could already see it. Naoi's embarrassed face so priceless it would sell millions in YouTube. Ashamed as he was to even dare mentioning it, of all the tens of times he'd tried to trick Naoi, Hinata was never even close to being successful in his schemes—and so he was never able to avenge himself over the things that psychopath forced him to do. Just because Naoi was a licensed hypnotist (yes he has a degree on hypnotism on top of his credentials in the political sciences) doesn't mean he was already allowed to hypnotize people all he wanted!

But right now, as he looked at Yui, he realized that his revenge was near. His parched thirst for payback was oh-so- _near_. This girl, Yui, was unstoppable in everything she did when she had her eyes set on it. If she was really angry at Hisako, then her fresh and young mind would be able to create new, never-seen-before ideas for scheming their enemies. Also, she was a moron—and morons are easy to manipulate. And, idiotic as she was, having someone as fresh-thinking like her on his side would make his schemes unstoppably unstoppable.

A light bulb had been turned on in his head, and it was blinking so rapidly it demanded him to put this plan on play, _right now_.

"Yui, I have an idea." He grabbed both her shoulders, his excited blue eyes shining like stars. "You wanted to get revenge on Hisako, right?"

Yui pumped an angry fist. "LIKE HELL I DO!"

"Keep quiet!" Hinata shushed. Then he continued, "And _I_ want to get revenge on Naoi, right?"

"Why are you asking _me_ that?"

"My point is, the two of _us_ want to get revenge on the two of _them_ , don't we?"

"SO?"

"So, what if we create an alliance? Me, the King of Scheming, and you, the Brat of Pranks—we can just do this once. We can work on something really awesome that would embarrass the two of them for the rest of their lives; it'd be more awesome if we did it. Together."

Hinata held out his hand for Yui to shake. The girl took one look at the hand, contemplating. _Please take the hand,_ Hinata begged from inside his brain. _Please take the hand, please take the hand, take it take it take it please please please please._ Then Hinata's outstretched hand started getting numb, and he began to panic.

_Why the bloody hell isn't she taking that hand?_

After seconds more of sea-deep contemplation, Yui crossed her arms in decline.

" _No,_ " she huffed, pointing an accusing finger at him. "You're trying to use my fresh and beautiful mind. I'd just rather get revenge on Hisako myself!" She was just about to walk away when Hinata coaxed in a bribing tone—

"~I'd buy you a gallon of strawberry ice cream…"

With a handshake, it was a deal.

But the two suddenly jumped out of their skin in utter shock when a voice suddenly interrupted their shaking hands.

"Auntie Yu-chii, Uncle Hina-chii?" It was Miyuri, the ever so _innocent_ five-year-old daughter of Yuzuru and Kanade, curiously cocking her head at the side. "Ahwen't you shupposhed to be bocksing? Why ahw you shaking hands?"

She looked so _innocent_ , just like her mother Kanade with those bright yellow eyes of hers. So _pure_ was she that she didn't even realize that Yui and Hinata looked _guilty_ , wondering if the little child saw the two of them strangling each other just two minutes earlier. They sure wouldn't be a good example for any child.

And then it hit Yui.

_Innocent little Miyuri._

_Guilty Yui and Hinata._

_Innocent._

_Guilty._

Usually, it was Yurippe's job to smile evilly at the plots and plans that formed in her head. Now it was _her_ turn.

Innocent. Guilty.

She repeated the words over and over again in side her head. Slowly, her plan was forming—a brilliant scheme to make Hisako and that Vice President dude embarrassed for the rest of their lives. And she would need young Miyuri to accomplish that plan.

"Um, Miyuri-chan?" said Yui in a sweet voice as she knelt in front of the little white-haired girl. "Me and your Uncle Idiot are just—"

Hinata flashed her a nasty look.

Yui rolled her eyes. 

"I _mean_ , me and your Uncle Hina-chii are just forming a plan. And we'd need you for it, Miyuri."

That evil smile again.

Hinata arched an eyebrow, wondering what she was up to.


	2. Part II: Ayato/Hisako

Yui observed those two disgusting lovebirds on the bench with her binoculars from afar. They were apparently fighting about something, but they were, actually… _close_ to each other.

Weird _._

Usually, when couples fight, they bang each other with guitars and fire continuous insults and lock each other in inverted swastika locks. But these two are very, very, _very_ close to each other. In fact, it was a little bit _too_ close for comfort; like they were about to kiss any time. It doesn't even look like they were fighting—if it isn't for the loud voices that even Yui could hear from up here.

 _Ugh, those two are just PLAIN disgusting_ , Yui thought. But, as for their plan…so far, so good.

"HEY, HINA-KISENPAI," Yui threw over her shoulder, leaving her eyes from their target for a second. "YOU DONE OVER THERE?"

Hinata looked at her, then sent her a thumbs-up. He'd been rehearsing little Miyuri of what she should do as part of the plan ever since Yui had thought of it, and so far everything about the plan was perfect. _Absolutely_ perfect. Hinata would NEVER say it aloud, but who knew Yui was such a talented schemer? It was a good thing he decided to form an alliance with her; he was apparently right about that pinkard coming fresh on ideas.

Hinata looked at their five-year-old stage prop—the cat-eyed, snow-haired little daughter of Kanade and Yuzuru. "You ready, Miyuri?"

Her hand instantly rocketed up in the air to salute. "I'm ready, Uncle Hina-chii!"

"THEN WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?" shouted Yui from her position. "GO OVER THERE, MIYURI-CHAN! OPERATION: STARTO!"

Fidgeting slightly, little Miyuri slowly, shyly approached the aggressive couple fighting on the bench. She looked back with worried eyes to Hinata and Yui, who were hidden behind the bushes, but Yui just urged her with a wave of her hand.

" _Go on, Miyuri! They won't bite!"  
_

(...At least, not Miyuri.)

Inspired by Yui's encouragement, Miyuri took a deep breath, let it out, and walked cautiously towards the target.

"Uncle Naoi-chun?" she started with her small voice. She wasn't usually shy—she was actually loud and often cranky, a trait she inherited from neither of her parents—but being shy was part of this plan for it to work. "Auntie Hisa-chan?"

She was ignored. The two were too much into their heated argument that they weren't able to notice her approaching at all.

"How dare you—I am _not_. Please don't make stupid assumptions, Hisako."

"Ugh, fine, Captain Obvious, then what's even the point of fighting about this? _You're_ the one who started it all."

Naoi's face flushed red—anger, embarrassment, he didn't know. "I'm only _saying_ that you should _stay_ _away_ from _other_ boys from now on."

"Excuse me, mom, I'm _twenty-four_ years old. Besides, Tadashi and I were just—"

Miyuri cleared her throat. But still, they weren't able to hear her as they shouted over each other's voices.

"—and we're completely, absolutely _nothing_ like that!"

"Oh, so the red roses meant _nothing_?"

"He's just being a little affectionate, unlike you, you blathering twerp!"

Naoi stared at her. And stared. And stared.

"Unbelievable," he said, shaking his head, and repeating the word again and again under his breath. "Just _unbelievable_. I can't believe you're actually blushing."

Now Hisako felt more blood rushing to her face. _Stupid, did he even HAVE to say it aloud?_

"Ayato Naoi," she lashed, pointing a threatening finger at him, "you know me better than—"

"Now you're fighting me back. Why are you even defending _him_?"

"How many times do I have to tell you, you moron, that he's—just—a— _friend_?" Hisako spat out, exhaustedly rubbing her temples. "Can't you bloody _understand_?"

"Seems I can't," he seethed, teeth gritted. "Is one supposed to be _making out_ with _just_ a _friend_?"

Miyuri gulped in genuine fear. Naoi was scary when he's angry. "Auntie?"

"We were NOT making out!" Hisako bellowed defensively, grabbing Naoi on the collar to lift him up from his seat. She was reddening madly from anger and embarrassment. "It was just on the _cheek_. Fan service is important too. You're not that stupid, are you? Because I—"

"Uncle?"

"—at least Tadashi was being a gentleman!"

Naoi's golden eyes slashed his girlfriend, unaffected by the fact that she was threatening to hit him on the face. "So _you think,"_ he lashed out, grabbing Hisako's fist, "I'd expect _you_ to just idly sit around while _I_ was getting kisses on the cheek, by, oh, I don't know," he frighteningly neared his angry face to her, " _all_ my other fans as well?"

Hisako's cheeks blushed a thousand shades redder. She didn't know _why_ , with him touching her hand, maybe, or with him so seriously near, or—or—with her own burning anger, probably? They were a couple, yes, boyfriend and girlfriend, and she should've grown used to him touching her hand or him so dangerously close—if they were always together, which they weren't. She, as a member of the frequently-touring GirlDeMo, and he, as the always-so-busy Vice President of Japan, never really had time with each other for… _this_ kind of physical contact. In fact, this was the first time in six months that they were ever really _that_ close for a…well…a kiss.

"Um, ano…Auntie?"

Hisako snatched her hand from Naoi's. "It's official," she deadpanned, in hopes of trying to hide her blushing. "You're jealous."

That made him a lot more annoyed. " _Excuse me_ , Miss Assuming," he glowered at her, crawling across the bench so he'd be closer with her, "who do you think _I am_ to be—"

"Uhh…uncle?"

"—jealous of a blockhead whose breath faintly smells of unpleasant mothballs?"

"A-auntie…?"

"Excuse _you_ , Captain Obnoxious," she lashed out, gray eyes blazing, "Tadashi _doesn't_ smell like mothballs. And you have _no_ _right_ to be jealous, you _moron_ —"

"Uncle?"

"—as if _you_ weren't bloody _flirting_ with those ugly _floozies_!"

There was a pause in the conversation after she said that.

" _Sorry?"_ said the Vice President, putting an offended hand onto his chest. "When in the world was I … _flirting_ with a, well, a _floozy_?"

"Oh, don't act as if you don't know," Hisako huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Those _ugly_ news reporters who keep following you, saying that they'd need an interview with the new Vice President of Japan—instead of holding out their microphones, they look like they want to shove their obnoxious chests to you. Don't even get me started on their cheeky clothing!"

She couldn't help it, but there was…a teetering edge in her voice that made Naoi understand the situation better now. Light suddenly seemed to dawn on him, a little smirk growing onto his face, anger gone as he observed his girlfriend. When Hisako opened her eyes to see, she instantly realized what she said, embarrassed.

 _Oops_ , she thought. _Did I_ really _just say that aloud?_

Naoi's hand crawled over to gently touch hers, and he lowered his voice in a genuinely kind tone. He looked at her, calculating eyes carefully scrutinizing hers.

"You…you were jealous of those news reporters?" A self-satisfied smirk. "Should I be thrilled?"

"Auntie His—"

"What th— _no!"_ the panicked guitarist bellowed, tossing his hand away from her as if it was suddenly on fire. "NO, YOU SELF-ASSUMING IDIOT!"

The vice president went from gentle to mischievous. "Am I getting this right, Hisako?" he covered a hand onto his mouth, wanting to smother the amused chuckles that wanted to escape. Oh, his girlfriend looked so cute whenever she acted defensive of the obvious. "Did you _purposefully_ kiss Tadashi just to make me jealous, as well?"

Guilty.

"N-no." She crossed her arms over her chest, wanting to look tough, firm, resilient— _serious_. "I said I _wasn't_ jealous."

But the renowned hypnotist and political scientist saw right through her. One look in the eyes, he instantly knew what this woman wanted from him, and he was going to give it.

What a sly woman who'd take drastic measures just to make him notice her. Tsk, tsk.

Sly, indeed.

"If, all along, you _wanted_ me to flirt with you," he grabbed her hand, brought it to his lips, and planted a light, ghostly kiss onto her skin. He slowly opened his eyes to look at her, almost seductively. "You could've just told me."

"Uncle Na—"

"I SAID I _WASN'T_ JEALOUS!" shouted a horrified Hisako, attempting to pull her hand away—but Naoi's grip was surprisingly firm.

He took one look at her for a minute, deciphering the mystery in front of him—Hisako had always been stubborn and secretive; she wasn't very honest in telling him how she felt about their relationship. Which was hard for Naoi, because he, too, wasn't the type to open up.

He squeezed her hand, looked at her in the eyes. "You're the most stubborn girl I've ever met."

"And you're the most irritating git I've ever met."

Naoi frowned. "You're uncute."

"And you're dotty."

Naoi raised an eyebrow. _Oh?_

"Grouch."

Hisako raised a head to tower over him. "Twit."

Naoi did the same, just to annoy her. "Twat."

"Stupid."

"Touchy."

"Uncle Na—"

"Idiot."

"Unladylike."

"Blockhe—"

He interrupted her by tucking a strand of brown hair behind her ear.

"Beautiful."

Hisako gasped at the sudden touch, and, not, not, NOT liking the fluttering feeling at all, she attempted to push him off of the bench.

"Y- _you--_ "

"AUNTIE HISA-CHII, UNCLE NAOI-CHII!"

The two froze in their seats, and took one look at the little girl in front of them.

Silence.

" _Who is this?"_ whispered Naoi, who had recovered from Hisako's painful shove. (It still hurt, though.)

" _She's Miyuri, you idiot, the daughter of Tachibana and Otonashi,"_ she hissed, then pushed his head away from hers. Embarrassed, Hisako scratched the back of her head, chuckling uncomfortably. "Yes, Miyuri?"

Miyuri's eyes brightened. Now the plan was set. "Can I join you?"

"Of course, of course, Miyuri-chan!"

"What the—" but Naoi was ribbed in the chest before he even finished.

" _Quiet_ , you," commanded Hisako.

"What are you _doing_?" he hissed back, clutching his chest in pain. That was the second time in less than one minute. When Hisako hit you, Hisako hit you _hard_. "I'm not yet done with—"

"Shut up."

"Yay, hooray!" Clapping her hands in joy, Miyuri turned to the overly-formal lad on the right. "May Miyu sit on your lap, Uncle Naoi-chii?"

"This is outrageous," he said in protest, shaking his hands in front of him. "My unblemished reputation would be ultimately destroyed if anyone sees me, the Vice President of Japan, letting a flimsy five-year-old little girl sit on my _dignified_ lap—"

Hisako pinched him on the arm. " _If you're gonna make one of those boring presidential speeches again, I SWEAR I'm gonna fling you over the ocean and make sure you never come back to surface."_

He looked at her, just equally irritated. " _Fine_."

Naoi turned to the girl with a sickly sweet expression on his face as he halfheartedly patted his lap for her to sit on. Then she did, happily bouncing up and down—to his utter chagrin.

Naoi looked over his shoulder to hiss at Hisako. _"You're going to pay for my damaged spleen."_

" _How I'd LOVE to see that."_

"Thank you, Uncle Naoi-chii and Auntie Hisa-chii, for letting Miyu sit with you! You are so kind!"

Then the two suddenly returned to the girl, their angry expressions wiped away by fake, sweet smiles.

"Of course, Miyuri-chan!" Hisako said, patting her on the head.

"You two will be good mommy and daddy one day!" she exclaimed back.

That made Naoi and Hisako stop short.

They accidentally met eyes, then turned away, blushing.

 _As if_ , Naoi thought as he stared at the flowers in the garden.

 _Understatement of the century_ , Hisako thought as she stared at the flowers on the opposite side of the garden.

Then they returned to the girl, fake smiles all over.

"Yeah," Hisako continued, "Kanade and Otonashi must've been good parents to raise you up like this."

"No, no, no!" Miyuri shouted, shaking her head. She jumped up once from Naoi's lap, and landed with a vengeance; which made the latter cringe in dissent. Hisako smirked at the pained Naoi, who flashed her a murderous scowl in return.

"You could be good like mama and papa, too!" Miyuri was saying, looking from Hisako to Naoi, then Naoi to Hisako. "But! They does not fight! And you!" She pointed an overly exaggerated finger at the two of them accusingly. "You always fight! Why did you fighting earlier?"

Naoi opened his mouth to formally start a sentence, but Hisako beat him to it.

"Because your dear, dear uncle here," Hisako said in a voice for baby talk, "is _very_ jealous. Which is bad, you know. _Don't_ imitate him."

The green-haired boy looked at her scornfully. _Oh, really,_ **I** _was the jealous one here?_

Hisako stared back at him with vehement eyes in reply. _Yeah, got a problem with that?_

Naoi shook his head and breathed out a sigh in surrender. "Miyuri-chan, don't believe your aunt. _Always_ believe me."

"But I only believes in magics and fairies and unicorns!" Miyuri said, her high-pitched voice almost matching Yui's. She looked up at Naoi. "I will believe you, but only if you are a unicorn, ne, Uncle Na-chii?"

He was about to protest. Really, he was. But, again, Hisako beat him to it.

"Yep," she cheerily agreed, slapping a hand onto the back of Naoi's head to make his ridiculous train conductor's hat stumble from his head. "He's one funky unicorn all right. You know why he wears that cap all the time? To hide his horn."

Naoi fumbled to reach for his hat before it fell down, and put it back onto his head, glowering at Hisako.

"Oh, oh!" Miyuri suddenly exclaimed, her hand shooting up in the air as if to recite in class. "Did you see Auntie Yurippe? Her tummy is getting very, very big!" She made very interpretable hand gestures in the air. "Mommy says there might be surprise inside her tummy—Papa says it might be baby unicorn, but he says he isn't sure! What do you think? What do you think?"

Naoi almost sprayed out the iced tea he was just starting to drink. He couldn't believe that Otonashi would ever say that pregnant women contained baby unicorns inside of them. Yuzuru wasn't really the type who lied to little children…

"Otonashi—Otonashi _said_ that?" he choked out.

Hisako shot a glare at him, willing him to shut up. Naoi wasn't really an expert on how to keep little children innocent of these kinds of…facts.

Then Hisako turned to Miyuri, her voice turning suitable for baby talk once again. "Well! We really can't be sure until we see what's inside Auntie Yuri's tummy, Miyuri-chan!"

Miyuri gasped in genuine shock. Then she clapped her hands, eyes shining in wonder. "We will _see_ what's inside her tummy?"

Naoi casually examined the label of his iced tea bottle. "Once the thing explodes, of course."

" _Explodes?!"_

Hisako desperately tried to calm the little girl down. "Don't you worry, Miyu-chan, Yuri isn't going to explode!"

The guitarist looked at Naoi and hissed at him angrily, for the umpteenth time.

_Oi, you there, stop scaring the little girl._

_What did I do again?_

"Then do you mean, Auntie Hisa-chan, that even if Auntie Yurippe's tummy looks like a balloon, she is not going to pop and explode and go boom?"

Hisako shook her head.

"Phew!" the little girl wiped relieved sweat from her brow. Boy, she _seriously_ believed Naoi. "Miyu was so worried! The poor baby unicorn would be hurt if Auntie Yuri's tummy explodes, because all explosions make people in movies hurt!"

"Uh-huh," Naoi said. 

"But! Miyu wonders how the baby unicorn got there! It's a mystery! Do you know how the baby unicorn got in Auntie Yurippe's tummy?"

Uncle Naoi and Auntie Hisako silently pretended they didn't hear the question of the innocent little girl.

Miyuri looked at Naoi, crawled up on his lap, then shook him in the shoulders. "Do you know how the baby unicorn got in Auntie Yurippe's tummy? Do you? Do you?"

"Stop shaking me, you little—" _How in the world am I supposed to answer?_ Naoi thought. "I don't know!"

"What? How?" Now Miyu looked confused, ever more intrigued. "Miyu demands detailed answers!"

"D-detailed…?" Naoi whimpered.

"Yes, detailed!" the girl yelled. "How did the baby enter Auntie Yurippe's tummy? How was the baby _made_? Auntie Hisako, _why are you not listening to me_?"

For once, the usually confident guitarist choked on her words. "A-Ask your uncle. He's a boy. He knows how."

In the background, Yui and Hinata were smirking as they watched the events of the show unfurl. Miyuri was not only _exactly_ complying with the script she had rehearsed with Hinata, but she was a great actor as well!

"Uncle Na-chii?" she prodded, looking up at him.

"W-Well," Naoi started, eyes darting back and forth, _anything_ to avoid the overly curious big puppy-dog eyes of the little girl. He was tugging at the collar of his suit uncomfortably. "This…this is _absurd_ …"

"Miyu's only asking you how the baby _entered_ Auntie Yuri's tummy!" Then she pointed an accusing finger at the brown-haired girl on the left. "Why are you laughing at me, Auntie Hisako!"

Hisako desperately tried to contain herself. Why WAS she laughing?

"I'm not laughing, just, er, something caught in my throat, cough, cough."

"No one in the house wants to answer my question!" shouted Miyuri. "They all th-th-think it's f-f-f-funny, and now, YOU are laughing at me too!" Then the little girl started to throw a tantrum, crying like crazy.

Hisako reached over and patted the girl's head to try to calm her down. "No, no, Miyu, it's not like that—don't cry, shh, it'll be alright…"

_Ayato, you idiot. Help me out here!_

Naoi awkwardly raised a hand and weakly imitated what Hisako was doing, stiffly patting the crying child's head.

"Er, little girl, um…please stop your irrational, pointless blubbing."

Miyuri only cried harder.

Hisako glared at him. _You useless idiot._

He adjusted the hat onto his head as he looked away. Naoi cleared his throat, searching his head for something to say. What do children like? How do they stop crying? And how do you get them off of your shoulders? Argh, the sound of crying was burning his ears, how in Japan's _sake_ was he supposed to make this child stop crying? He can't believe it. He's the mighty Vice President, and yet he couldn't even control a child? How DO you make them stop? Don't they come with an off switch somewhere or something?

"Ummmm…" he awkwardly tried to smile at the little girl, trying so hard to imitate how Hisako did it earlier. 

"Try again, you moron!" whispered Hisako.

"Do you—ah, er…well—do you want a lollipop?"

Hisako smacked her forehead with a palm.

"DON'T TRY TO CHANGE THE TOPIC, UNCLE NA-CHII!" Miyuri was back up again, shaking Naoi's shoulders. "I'M GONNA ASK YOU AGAIN! HOW WAS THE BABY MADE?"

"Um…" Naoi looked up at the sky, as if pleading the heavens to take him up and never come down upon this uncomfortable situation ever again. "Uh, w-well…this is the story," he spluttered. "Your Uncle Noda loved Auntie Yuri so much, and because of that, the, er, baby unicorn inside your aunt's tummy _magically,"_ he flashed an evil glare at Hisako, then a kind smile at Miyuri— "appeared."

Miyuri gasped. " _It magically appeared?_ It magically appeared, just because Uncle Noda loved Auntie Yuri so much?"

"Yes, Miyuri, that's what happ—"

"But that must not be it!" bellowed Miyuri, who had her hands pressed onto Naoi's knees. She tiptoed so she can directly look at his eyes. "Miyu's mommy loves Miyu too much, but Miyu's tummy does not get big! There has to be something _else_ going on!"

"Well," Hisako said all too enthusiastically, who wanted to prolong this... _interesting_ conversation to see how it ends. "Your Uncle Ayato is an _expert_ on how that _something_ happens in detail."

Naoi's look was murderous now.

_Whose side are you on, Hisako?_

_What? I'm just having a little fun seeing you flustered._

"Maybe…" Naoi desperately tried to dig in his mind for a reasoning around this. "Maybe Tachibana-san just doesn't love you enough...?"

Miyuri was instantly broken. "M-mommy doesn't love Miyu?"

"No, no!" Naoi didn't want to make this girl cry. She was annoying enough. "Uh…um…your, uh, Uncle Noda is a secret unicorn, and, well…he, uh, has some… _magical powers_ with him, maybe a wand or something, to make the unicorn magically… _appear_ inside Auntie Yuri's belly. Yes, he has the powers, but your mother Tachibana-san doesn't."

" _Uncle Noda has a magic wand to make the baby unicorn appear inside her tummy?"_

"Y-Yes…?" Naoi agreed in an undecided mutter, his voice an uncomfortable squeak.

But thankfully Miyuri bought it. "Oh, yes! That must be it! Uncle is so intelligent, Miyu never thought of that! But, if Auntie Yurippe's tummy will not explode, how will the baby get out? Will the doctors cut her tummy?" Then she shook Naoi's shoulders again. "Uncle Na-chii, stop ignoring me! How will the baby get out? Where? Will it hurt?"

He formally cleared his throat. "Ahem, I would know _nothing_ about that. Perhaps your Aunt Hisako knows _exactly_ where the baby—the…baby _unicorn_ comes out."

He looked at Hisako knowingly, enjoying the sight of her flaming cheeks. Oh, it was revenge.

"Miyuri-chan, it's the same way with your Uncle's story. The baby, which would soon be your cousin Akira, would just _magically,"_ Hisako flashed an equally murderous glare at Naoi— "appear."

"A new cousin! Miyu will have a new cousin! Yay!" she clapped her hands, jumping up and down. Then she beamed, as if an idea entered her mind. "Ooh, I know, I know! I have an idea!" She stared up at Naoi with a big, big smile.

"Uncle Ayato, I have a favor. Would you make my tummy big, too, just like Auntie Yuri's?"

_Eh?!_

"R-Ridiculous!" Naoi was flushing red. "I don't have magic like your Uncle Noda, maybe you should ask _him_ —"

"But you just said you are a unicorn! Unicorns are _magical_ , aren't they? And Uncle Hinata says that you have magic! I see that your eyes change colors whenever you hypnotize him!"

Curse that baseball-obsessed pinhead.

"That's not magi—"

"No, no, no! That is magic, that is magic! Please use that magic to me, too! Miyu wants her tummy to get big so Miyu have a baby unicorn inside, and she will be my new sister!"

Hisako put a hand onto Miyuri's shoulder. "Miyuri-chan, you're too young."

"Aww!" she slumped, defeated. But then, as if a light bulb had been turned on inside her head, she screamed, "How about Auntie Hisako, then?"

Both Naoi and Hisako stopped and looked shocked.

" _What?"_

" _Come again?"_

Miyuri raised her head up in the air, as if she was proud of coming up with such a brilliant idea. "How about you make Auntie Hisako's tummy big like Auntie Yuri's?" she continued to prod. "Make her a baby unicorn, please, Uncle Ayato! You said you have the magic, right? So make the baby inside Auntie Hisako's tummy _magically_ appear!"

_How in the world did this conversation end up here?!_

"Y-you're crazy—"

"Th-that's impossible—"

" _You're stuttering!"_ darted an impatient Miyuri. "When people stutter, they say lies! What are you hiding from Miyu? Miyu wants you to make a baby unicorn appear, RIGHT NOW! Where is your magic wand, Uncle Naoi! REVEAL IT!"

"Uh, sure, maybe later…do you want some ice cream, instead?"

"Y-Yeah!" said an uncomfortable Hisako, who regretted letting this discussion prolong into _this_. "Yuri has lots of strawberry ice crea—"

"NO! Miyu wants you two to _make_ a baby unicorn! Miyu wanna see how you do it! Miyu wanna see how it happens!"

This was unpleasant.

"Miyuri-chan," Naoi said, sternly, "That's not something you should be asking—"

"Why? Why can't you do it? What are you hiding from Miyu?" she demanded with an angry pout, hands on hips. "The only thing you need to do is to love Auntie Hisako, and your magic will work, right, Uncle Naoi?"

"R-Right…?"

"Then tell you love each other! Papa says 'I love you' all the time to me!"

"Yes, but—"

"STILL! YOU SHOULD MAKE A BABY! A BABY UNICORN!"

"A-ahem, uh…come on, let's get some ice crea—"

"YOU'RE TRYING TO CHANGE THE TOPIC!"

"But—"

"NO BUTS OR I WILL CRY!"

Naoi faced Hisako with a strained expression on his face. "The girl's persistent," he whispered. "We should do it."

Hisako blushed, making it a wonder how all the tons of reds in the world could only fit in one face. She threw her fist in the air, and this time, she wanted to make sure it fit right under her idiotic boyfriend's chin.

"You are such a perv—"

He skillfully caught her fist before it hit him, his face also reddening madly like a fire truck.

What a royal pain.

" _What I meant was_ saying _'I love you'!_ " he hissed in a whisper-yell, just as embarrassed. "Just—just—well, just _saying_ , not—not _doing_. This girl's _not_ going to leave us in peace if we don't do it—I mean, if—if we—uh, if we don't _say it_." The mighty Vice President Ayato Naoi was clearly out of words. "I mean, did you _really_ think I'd ever _want_ to—to—to _do it_ with—with _you_? Do I look like someone who'd fool around before an absolute promise of commitment?"

Hisako looked at her boyfriend, long and hard.

"Yes."

"You have the perfect sense of humor, Hisako, but now's not the time for your silly jokes."

"...I wasn't joking."

"Well?" yelled Miyuri from the background, waiting to see it happen.

Hisako released an annoyed sigh.

"Fine," she told Naoi. "We'll just do this once."

"Agreed."

Hisako breathed in a huge gulp of air, gathering as much confidence as she had on all those hundreds of other concerts she did in GDM's world tours. _You can do it, Hisako, you can do it. Don't be such a coward. You're just going to do this once. Just once, never again._ She opened her eyes to stare at Naoi's ever golden ones, and willed her mouth to speak.

"I—I love you, Ayato-kun."

There. It's out.

Naoi's embarrassment faded away, and, suddenly, all the noise in the world was drowned out by comforting silence, his vision only narrowing to Hisako, the love of his life. He couldn't help but smirk once he heard those words, despite how much he loathed this discussion with Otonashi and Tachibana's daughter. He couldn't help it. He pulled her to him by the hand. Oh, it had been six months since he last heard it from her. Six long months he had waited to hear them again, but now that they were out, he couldn't control himself from _doing_ this.

"I love you too, Hisako-chan."

And he kissed her, long and passionate, right in front of the child.

Hisako was shocked at first. But then she threw her arms over his neck, closed her eyes, and kissed him back.

They'd never done this much action in their relationship in the last six months.

It was strangely…refreshing.

They…they were just about to…

…to—

"CUT! CUT! _CUUUUT!_ " shouted a high-pitched voice, and from out of the bushes crawled Yui and Hinata, laughing their heads out and slapping each other on the back for the utter success of their scheme. "YOU JUST GOTTA BE KIDDING— _ **CANOODLING**_ FOR SIXTY SECONDS _STRAIGHT_ WITHOUT EVEN _**BREATHING**_? I MEAN, GET A ROOM IF YOU WANNA CONTINUE, LOVEBIRDS, BUT THAT'S ENOUGH _**ACTION**_ FOR THE CAMERA!"

Hisako was the first to register their words. Her eyes snapped open wide, and, shocked, she pushed Naoi's head away from her as she abruptly got up from her lying position.

" _What? Camera?!"_

But Hinata and Yui were already stomping away, happily singing to the world that they FINALLY got their respective revenges.

Operation: accomplished.


End file.
